
Emotional Regulation and Co-Regulation

Bobo Team • All you need to know • 3 min read
Emotional regulation is the ability to manage and respond to an emotional experience in a healthy way. For young children, this skill is crucial for their overall development, including social competence, academic success, and mental health. However, children are not born with the ability to self-regulate; they learn it through interactions with their caregivers, a process known as co-regulation.
The Role of Co-Regulation
Co-regulation involves a caregiver providing the necessary support and guidance to help a child manage their emotions. This process starts in infancy and continues through early childhood, laying the foundation for self-regulation skills.
Why Co-Regulation is Important
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Brain Development: In the first three years of life, the brain undergoes rapid growth, forming neural connections that are critical for future social and emotional health. These connections are heavily influenced by interactions with caregivers.
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Emotional Security: Consistent and responsive interactions help children feel safe and understood, which is essential for emotional security and development.
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Skill Building: Through co-regulation, children learn to identify their emotions and develop strategies to manage them effectively.
Strategies for Co-Regulation
Here are some practical strategies for co-regulation that you can use with your young children:
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Validate All Feelings: When a child is upset, it’s important to acknowledge their feelings without immediately trying to fix the situation. For example, you can say, “I see you’re really upset right now,” which helps the child feel understood and supported.
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Physical and Mental Presence: Co-regulation requires being physically close and emotionally present. This means staying calm and composed, even when your child is distressed. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, take a moment to calm yourself before engaging with your child.
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Use Fewer Words: During moments of high emotion, children may not be able to process complex explanations. Use a gentle voice and keep your words simple. Sometimes, supportive silence or a few comforting words can be more effective than long explanations.
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Model Self-Regulation Techniques: Show your child how to manage emotions by modeling self-regulation techniques. This can include deep breathing, using a calm tone, or engaging in a soothing activity together, like blowing bubbles or singing a quiet song.
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Establish Routines: Consistent routines provide a sense of security and predictability, which can help children feel more in control and less anxious. Simple routines like bedtime rituals or morning routines can make a big difference.
Supporting Emotional Regulation in Everyday Life
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Create a Calm Environment: A calm and organized environment can help reduce stress for both you and your child. Consider dimming the lights, playing soothing music, or creating a quiet corner where your child can go to calm down.
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Use Sensory Tools: Sensory tools like stress balls, fidget toys, or a favorite blanket can help children self-soothe. Encourage your child to use these tools when they are feeling overwhelmed.
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Teach Emotional Vocabulary: Help your child learn to identify and name their emotions. Use everyday moments to talk about feelings and model how to express them appropriately. For example, “I see you’re feeling sad because your toy broke. It’s okay to feel sad”.
Conclusion
Emotional regulation is a vital skill that children need to navigate life’s challenges. As a parent, your role in co-regulating your child’s emotions is crucial. By being present, validating their feelings, and modeling healthy emotional responses, you can help your child develop the skills they need to manage their emotions effectively. Remember, the journey of emotional regulation is ongoing, and your consistent support will make a significant difference in your child’s development.
Sources
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National Institute for Children's Health Quality. (n.d.). Children's social and emotional development starts with co-regulation. https://nichq.org/insight/childrens-social-and-emotional-development-starts-co-regulation
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The Children's School. (2023, August 29). How co-regulation builds self-regulation skills. https://www.tcsatl.org/resources/how-co-regulation-builds-self-regulation-skills/
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Harvard Health Publishing. (2024, April 3). Co-regulation: Helping children and teens navigate big emotions. https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/co-regulation-helping-children-and-teens-navigate-big-emotions-202404033030
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Brightwheel. (2023, April 10). What is co-regulation in child development? https://mybrightwheel.com/blog/what-is-co-regulation-in-child-development
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American Psychological Association. (2023, April 21). Emotion regulation. https://www.apa.org/topics/parenting/emotion-regulation
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The OT Toolbox. (2022, July 13). Co-regulation. https://www.theottoolbox.com/co-regulation/
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